Is your friend going through a heart break?
Hey there!
I'm glad you're taking time to read this,here's a virtual hug from my side. So today I wanted to discuss something that I have been doing since ages, Relationship advises when your friend is going through a heart break. Do you know that they say, "The best relationship advises come from people who are actually single ". My friends take this quote rather seriously and look who's better qualified to do this, someone who has never been in a relationship, ME !
If you are single and you are doing this advice thingy,you are going to relate to this. We all have been in that place where our dear friends tend to us for these advises. It is during these times that we discover we have lately seen only few sides of the person that we are calling as friend. Often we realize our friend is more strong than we actually thought, or more silly or more desperate and foolish and a list of things that were never revealed to us. And it gets a bit overwhelming to us to see those sides of our friend,we never thought existed.Relax and understand that you don't have to know everything about everything and that it is completely okay . :-D So atleast now, come out of the illusion that you know your friend better than anybody else.
When I'm I going to take a relationship advice though ? If I ever asked this question to my best friend he would probably say ," Never ! Cuz you're never going to be in one ". He is such a moron, he tells me that all the time. So anyway, if your friend is going through a heart break , I'm sure you're going to ask these questions to yourself !
1. Why do you always chase a person who never looks back ?
I clearly do not understand this, why do my friends always chase people who are just not right for them ? Why do they not value their self worth ? When are they going to understand that the other person is treating them like shit ? There is a string of these questions that follow and trust me, even if you ask your friend these questions you are never going to get a valid answer. Fun fact : The guys I have chased never looked back, I was a nobody to them. Glad that I have realized it early on and have let it go the idea of a relationship with them. It is just human tendency to make foolish decisions like chasing wrong people. Have you seen the film, The perks of being a wallflower ? They kind of , although very little, address this question. (Many films address this, I have realized later ☺)
Instead of despising your friend for that reason, you can probably help them realize their self worth.Make them realize the things that they are amazingly good at and make them focus on these things to convert that pain and helplessness into something that they will always be proud of when they look back.
2. Why are you so desperate for love from a wrong person ?
I can't count the number of times I've got vexed with my friends crying for wrong people .I'm sorry that I have thought or rather judged my friends as desperate. I have completely changed my opinion now. There is this theory that explains the answer to this question perfectly. It emphasizes that we normally fall in love with a template of a person,rather than the person himself/herself. This template is a copy of how we want that person to be. We will obviously want the person to be the best and to only and only fall in love with us. Because this is a template created by us it is very normal for us to believe that this person is the "one " and is "only made for us". So naturally when this template starts breaking , we start to see the template change and we get rather uncomfortable with it. We don't know how to deal with it because we are not always ready for change. So it naturally brings pain when all of the expectations shatter as the person changes, let us accept that we are not used for change that comes all of a sudden.
So I want you not to be hard on your friend, try to accept them just like the way you did before. If you are a real friend, you will start loving your friend more with all these shitty decisions. And even though they do these silly things and regret them, you always have their back right?
3.Why can't you be happy with a ton of other people that you have in life?
This is the question that you will probably ask your friend.You will probably tell them that they should be very grateful for things they have in life right then around them. And you will never understand why that void in your friends life can never be filled. If you have really lost a person and every time you think of that person tears roll down your cheeks and your heart gets heavy you will understand this. I have lost my Grand Father while I was in tenth and it's been almost six years now, I still cry thinking of him. I like to believe that I can never give any person his place in my life. I have not only lost him, But I have lost that emotional connection I had with him. I used to count days for weekends so that I could meet him and hug him. I will write another blog dedicated only for us, me and my Grand Father. I know where ever you are Grand Pa, you are missing me too and I'm so proud to be your Grand Daughter. *tears again*
So this experience made me realize that my friends truly long those wonderful memories they made with the other person and that connection with them.They have given away so much power to the other person that their absence makes them go crazy. Now they long for this person even more, than they did before while they were together. Their life literally juggled between imaginary forevers and real heart breaks.It is almost a new life style they have to adapt to after a break up.
You are going to comfort them and help them find solace, because most times Parents are not going to do that.Most people can't share things with their friends and parents alike, Right ?
Instead of trying to understand and decipher why your friend is behaving a certain way while going through a heart break, I want you to be there for them. Like you always did. Don't blind them away from reality, help them see things and understand them better.This Is the right time to show them more love than you usually do. Lend them your ears and do not get tired listening, it makes them feel lighter and better.Understand that you can never fill that void how much ever you try, but never stop trying. Never miss a chance to show your friend what an amazing person they have in their lives and tell them you always have their back. Make them realize how strong they are, that they are taking so much suffering. Do whatever you can to lessen that suffering. Because in Murakami's words, " Pain is inevitable,suffering is optional". I'm still trying to figure out how that works,you know? How suffering can be optional while pain is inevitable. Let us schedule it to another discussion .
I hope now you know, atleast a little, how to deal with your broken friend. Also, When in doubt , always say what Charlie Puth said :
When I'm I going to take a relationship advice though ? If I ever asked this question to my best friend he would probably say ," Never ! Cuz you're never going to be in one ". He is such a moron, he tells me that all the time. So anyway, if your friend is going through a heart break , I'm sure you're going to ask these questions to yourself !
1. Why do you always chase a person who never looks back ?
I clearly do not understand this, why do my friends always chase people who are just not right for them ? Why do they not value their self worth ? When are they going to understand that the other person is treating them like shit ? There is a string of these questions that follow and trust me, even if you ask your friend these questions you are never going to get a valid answer. Fun fact : The guys I have chased never looked back, I was a nobody to them. Glad that I have realized it early on and have let it go the idea of a relationship with them. It is just human tendency to make foolish decisions like chasing wrong people. Have you seen the film, The perks of being a wallflower ? They kind of , although very little, address this question. (Many films address this, I have realized later ☺)
2. Why are you so desperate for love from a wrong person ?
I can't count the number of times I've got vexed with my friends crying for wrong people .I'm sorry that I have thought or rather judged my friends as desperate. I have completely changed my opinion now. There is this theory that explains the answer to this question perfectly. It emphasizes that we normally fall in love with a template of a person,rather than the person himself/herself. This template is a copy of how we want that person to be. We will obviously want the person to be the best and to only and only fall in love with us. Because this is a template created by us it is very normal for us to believe that this person is the "one " and is "only made for us". So naturally when this template starts breaking , we start to see the template change and we get rather uncomfortable with it. We don't know how to deal with it because we are not always ready for change. So it naturally brings pain when all of the expectations shatter as the person changes, let us accept that we are not used for change that comes all of a sudden.
So I want you not to be hard on your friend, try to accept them just like the way you did before. If you are a real friend, you will start loving your friend more with all these shitty decisions. And even though they do these silly things and regret them, you always have their back right?
3.Why can't you be happy with a ton of other people that you have in life?
This is the question that you will probably ask your friend.You will probably tell them that they should be very grateful for things they have in life right then around them. And you will never understand why that void in your friends life can never be filled. If you have really lost a person and every time you think of that person tears roll down your cheeks and your heart gets heavy you will understand this. I have lost my Grand Father while I was in tenth and it's been almost six years now, I still cry thinking of him. I like to believe that I can never give any person his place in my life. I have not only lost him, But I have lost that emotional connection I had with him. I used to count days for weekends so that I could meet him and hug him. I will write another blog dedicated only for us, me and my Grand Father. I know where ever you are Grand Pa, you are missing me too and I'm so proud to be your Grand Daughter. *tears again*
So this experience made me realize that my friends truly long those wonderful memories they made with the other person and that connection with them.They have given away so much power to the other person that their absence makes them go crazy. Now they long for this person even more, than they did before while they were together. Their life literally juggled between imaginary forevers and real heart breaks.It is almost a new life style they have to adapt to after a break up.
You are going to comfort them and help them find solace, because most times Parents are not going to do that.Most people can't share things with their friends and parents alike, Right ?
Instead of trying to understand and decipher why your friend is behaving a certain way while going through a heart break, I want you to be there for them. Like you always did. Don't blind them away from reality, help them see things and understand them better.This Is the right time to show them more love than you usually do. Lend them your ears and do not get tired listening, it makes them feel lighter and better.Understand that you can never fill that void how much ever you try, but never stop trying. Never miss a chance to show your friend what an amazing person they have in their lives and tell them you always have their back. Make them realize how strong they are, that they are taking so much suffering. Do whatever you can to lessen that suffering. Because in Murakami's words, " Pain is inevitable,suffering is optional". I'm still trying to figure out how that works,you know? How suffering can be optional while pain is inevitable. Let us schedule it to another discussion .
I hope now you know, atleast a little, how to deal with your broken friend. Also, When in doubt , always say what Charlie Puth said :
I'm only one call away
I'll be there to save the day
Superman got nothing on me
I'm only one call away
I'll be there to save the day
Superman got nothing on me
I'm only one call away
Call me, baby, if you need a friend
I just wanna give you love
Come on, come on, come on
Reaching out to you, so take a chance !
I just wanna give you love
Come on, come on, come on
Reaching out to you, so take a chance !
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